I used to hand people the pen and let them write the story of my worth. A careless comment, a dismissive look, a moment of cruelty—I'd carry it for years like it was evidence of something true about me. But feeling inferior isn't just done to you. Somewhere inside, you have to agree to it. You have to accept the verdict.

Your sense of self-worth is ultimately under your own control. Someone else's negative opinion of you only has power if you accept it as true. Other people can say cruel things or try to diminish you. But whether or not those words actually hurt your sense of self depends on if you give them authority over your identity. It requires your own internal agreement that the words are valid.

When I finally saw that, I realized I had been quietly cosigning other people's opinions of me my entire life. That doesn't mean the hurt isn't real. It just means I get a say. And I'm still learning how to use it.